Patience...

I have been told, even from a very young age, that I have no patience.  When I want something, I want it there and then. In terms of getting things done, this has had its advantages, but more often than not, a lack of patience has caused me to rush into things and make many mistakes.

As the weeks go by in China, I realise that my patience is in training. The frustrating experiences are like weights are to muscles, pushing me to the point of exhaustion. It’s tiring, hard work and can be painful. But, like muscles, through time and persistence, my patience is becoming bigger and stronger.

There are many issues you come across living in China, that require patience. Communicating being the more obvious, teaching would be another. But I have found that the most patience is in fact needed for myself.

This realisation came from my Assistant Teacher, Kelly. After studying Mandarin for an hour over lunch, I returned to my classroom to discover I could remember nothing of what I had just been learning. I mentioned my frustration to Kelly, who was also sat studying English. She simply said, ‘more patience.’

More patience.

Two very simple words, with such an important meaning. There are so many things that I have become frustrated with myself for. Why have I not yet mastered Mandarin? Why don’t I know everything about teaching yet? Why haven’t I seen all of Beijing? Why haven’t I managed this, why haven’t I sorted that? Once again I have found myself wanting everything, here and now.

But, to prevent the same mistakes from being made and to achieve all that I want to achieve in the future, I will have to train my patience, I will have to learn to be more patient with myself.

It seems that patience really is one of life’s hardest art forms to master… 

Back to school...

19th November 2011

I have been in China for just under two months and I can’t begin to explain the experiences I have had and the things seen. Unless you have been here for a period of time I don’t think you can understand what life in China is really like. It’s been an emotional ride and incredibly challenging. 

But, I have done it, I’m here and I’m a full time teacher. I have achieved the goal I set myself almost one year ago and for that I’m proud.

My first week of teaching wasn’t exactly smooth. Thrown directly into the deep end, I was given a class of 12 to teach with little instruction, training or supervision. Not only am I the only foreign teacher of the class but I’m also the lead teacher of a team of four Chinese, expected to lead and delegate accordingly. I was petrified and challenged in every way possible. TEFL certainly doesn’t teach you how teach a three year old to eat properly or ‘Nio Nio’ (pee pee) in a toilet and not their pants! By Friday I was seriously questioning my decision to do this, I was scared and way out of my league, I just wanted to run away. However after a weekend of thought and self- prep talk, I came into week two more prepared and with new tactics to get the kids on side. Generally, teaching kids so young is hard work. They have little understanding of the world and when they don’t understand a word you say, it’s ten times as hard to explain. But I am learning fast. A hug and a kiss has no language barrier and at times, going Super Nanny with the naughty chair means all the difference between them seeing you as a teacher rather than a play friend.

After two weeks, I’m in love with my class and am getting some incredible work experience I would never have been able to get in the UK. This week, I taught about Thanksgiving. We made Indian headbands, had a turkey hunt and a field trip to the local horse ranch (also and experience!) It’s hard work but also fun.

Alongside the stress of the classroom, there has been a fight for a good home with all the perks as agreed in my contract. Here, simple issues escalate into bigger problems and become incredibly frustrating due to the communication barrier. I have spent two weeks listening to a group of Chinese argue, negotiate and discuss my apartment, heating and internet. I have had to push for things and argue my rights which has brought out a side to me I didn’t know existed. But now, I have a very nice apartment (Chinese style) and can finally settle. I’m hoping the hard part is over.

There has been so many times since I came to China that I have felt the need to run away. Being alone in a country so different from my own, I have been pushed past my comfort zone in so many different ways. I came here to be challenged, to face my own fears, my insecurities that I otherwise wouldn’t  face.

I can honestly say that since arriving here, that’s exactly what I've done.

And so the cracks start to form...

One week into the TEFL course and my confidence is starting to crack as I struggle to handle fluctuating emotions on top of a very intense course.

Sat in the classroom, I am reminded of why I left school at the age of 16. My dyslexic mind causes frustration as I misread, misspell and misunderstand my way through tasks. The speed at which we are expected to learn is fast, a concept is simply explained and you are expected to be able to grasp it very quickly. A very Chinese way of learning...

Outside the classroom, my emotions also fluctuate as I continue to face the differences in culture, lack of social support and loneliness on a day to day basis. The language can be problematic and my head will hurt from trying to think of ways to understand or be understood. Nothing is easy and it's not getting any easier either.

I miss the girl. Lots...

However, everything is going according to plan. I have started the course, I have a job waiting and the emotional roller-coaster has been anticipated. I am proud to have accomplished all I have so far and to be where I am...

But, I do question myself on the down days... Can I actually handle this? Or, have I jumped in that bit too deep?

I guess there is only one way to find out...

Where am I going to get a coffee?!

6^th October 2011

Arriving at Beijing airport, tired and a little shell shocked to say the least, I found it hard to believe that after all the planning and months of preparation, I was finally here. But, the thought of being here for the longer term at this point, doesn’t seem comprehensible .

I arrived early afternoon, so after getting to the hostel All I wanted to do was to sleep. After about 4 hours sleep in two days, I had no trouble falling into a deep slumber!

Waking up on day two was disorientating to say the least… Why are there people in my room? Where is my girl? Why can I hear Mandarin? More importantly… Where am I going to get a coffee?!

At first I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself. After years of routine, with places to be and responsibilities to adhere to, it’s actually quite hard to adjust to a life of total freedom. 

After finding a Mc D’s for a coffee (they really are everywhere!), I tackled the local phone shop and got myself set up with a new phone with China Mobile.  Feeling like I should do something, after all I’m in China, I decided to try and find the Forbidden City (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forbidden_City

 

All those pictures you see of the Chinese underground, people pushing and cramming others into trains… all true. For about one line! The rest is crowded, but better than London. Trains are on time, no hold ups and fast. Although people have no idea about letting people off the train, you really have to fight to get off!!

Walking around the Forbidden City area, I was simply amazed. Still not quite over the shock of being in China, the temples, architecture and sheer volume of people (national holiday week here) had me stop in awe. However it appeared I was having the same effect of those around me, many stopping and staring, parents pointing me out to their children, photos being taken as I stop to eat. I don’t think I even saw another white person whilst walking around, so I can understand the curiosity.

Looking forward there are many challenges ahead and no doubt that for quite some time, I will continue to wake and wonder, where is my girl? Why are there people in my room? And why can I hear Manadarin? But at the very least… I now know where I can get myself a coffee.

Jema

What have I done?

3^rd October 2011

As I sit here in Dubai, waiting for my connecting flight, I can’t help but think… What have I done?

Many have said over the past few months, how brave it is to be venturing off, completely alone, to a country so very different than my own. To be honest, I’m beginning to see their point…

I’m petrified.

I left this morning in a state of shock. Nauseas, shaking and in tears… It’s been emotional to say the least. Leaving my friends and family has been incredibly tough. But to leave the girl? It has broken my heart.

Now though, I can only look forward to what lies ahead, I have to… But it is all very blurry. A new language, a new culture, a new job, new food, new home, new people… China!! All the planning in the world couldn’t have prepared me for what I am about to experience…

So, here I will sit, and here I may cry, shake and feel sick… But one thing I have learnt is that sometimes, if you can get through the really, really tough times, you get to experience some of the most incredible times of your life.

After all, isn’t that what living is all about?

Jema

Two weeks until I board the long flight to China and today I have been looking back at the opportunities I have had since coming to London. This great city certainly has much to offer...

Things to do in London, tried, tested and recommended....

- Watch David Beckham score a goal for England at Wembley Stadium.
- Have a pillow fight with over 300 people in Trafalgar Square.
- Cycle through Hyde Park, Oxford St, Picadilly Circus and other parts of central London, naked.













- Take part in a Cha Cha Cha slide flash mob at Trafalgar Square.
- Swim outside in the snow, in Covent Garden.
- See the best unknown one man show ever.
- Watch Roger Federer  win the men's semi finals at Wimbledon.
- Attend a squat party with the really free school.
- Watch a show in a giant upside down purple cow.
- Stand at 0 degree Longitude.
- Watch your first 3D movie at a Leicester Square movie theatre.
- Proudly attend London and Brighton Pride.
- Pose nude for a life drawing class.
- Take a Vipassna ten day meditation course.

Will Beijing have as much to offer?

Saying goodbye...

Three weeks to go until I dive into the unknown and my flights are booked, my passport has been stamped and my notice has been handed in. But before I even start to think about what lies ahead, there is much to prepare, lot's to organise and many goodbyes to be said.

This week will be one of the hardest, as I will be saying goodbye to my best friend and soul mate, Gabor.

I first met Gabor at work, lifeguarding in an outdoor pool in central London. I had just broken up with my girlfriend and had had just been through a rough couple of months. Seeing that I was having a tough time, Gabor asked me to meet for drinks and a few shots of a Hungarian speciality, Panlinka.

I will never forget the night we met to have these 'few' drinks. I wasn't in the best of moods and was fully intent on have one drink before escaping home where I could continue to wallow in my own self pity. But after a couple of shots of the home made Panlinka, I was informed that I was a terrible dancer and dragged onto the dance floor for some lessons. Before I knew it, it was 4.00am, the birds were tweeting and Gabor had had me laughing harder than I had laughed in a long time. Since that day, our friendship has continued to grow and grow. He has been there for me through some of the toughest times but also shared in some of the best.

As I prepare to leave and move on to the next chapter, I realise that London has been a place of growth and personal development for us both. We came here with no expectations and took everything London had to offer. There have been tears but also utter delight. There were anxious times but also sheer contentment. I will never forget my time in London, but more importantly, I will never forget the people I spent my time with.

I hope that they won't forget me either...

The clock is ticking...

Four weeks before my intended departure date and it and  it all came down to a Monday morning at the Chinese Visa Office.

Those of you that know me will be aware of my rocky relationship with a Monday morning, and so the fact the the past 8 months of planning came down to this particular morning, didn't fill me with confidence.

As I sat, waiting for the visa desks to open, I thought about the consequences of the mornings possible outcomes.

If my visa was rejected, what would I do? No going back to work now, they all know that I'm leaving. Would I go somewhere else? Teach somewhere hot? Thailand? Maybe. But it's China that has me intrigued, China is where I will face the high and lows of a new and completely different culture.

What if I do get my visa? I would be going. I would be leaving London, my friends, my girlfriend. I have a fantastic life here and it has taken me two and a half years to get to where I am. Am I really throwing all of this away for a risky venture in China?

Can I really do this alone?

As I sat thinking, my thoughts were interrupted by a tannoy announcement. 'Number 3007 to desk number five please' As I approached the visa desk, my heart was pounding. Scared that I would and scared that I wouldn't get the visa I needed.

I was asked to pay and informed my visa has been processed successfully.

I'm going.

Sent to desk number four, for the passport and visa collection I was full of mixed emotions. Excitment, much excitment. But sadness, sad to be leaving a girlfriend, friends and family that I love and are used to having close by.

Am I really going?

After a long anxious wait, I stood and stared at my passport and at the new information stamped inside.

I'm going... The China adventure starts here.